(no subject)
Dec. 14th, 2002 12:59 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cyriljackalI'm waiting for Shane to come home from what I guess is movie night.
I need to tape record some of my thoughts so I can put them down here before I forget what I wanted to say. So much of my mind gets lost to the aether.
Christmas is hurtling toward us and today somehow was not an exhausting madhouse at work even though we pulled in a lot of money. It seems we are, as a visiting manager said, "set up for failure". Minimal, and I do mean MINIMAL, hours for what our store needs for this time of year. Two people on at the busiest times usually, due to DM imposed hours restrictions. I do not understand how businesses run I guess. If I ever go through with my plans to start my own business like I want to, I'll see if I have to do the stupid shit that other companies do just to make stuff work. I have this feeling that somehow they become mind controlled into thinking that 'this is what you have to do' instead of doing what needs done. Hire some robots if you want robots. Right? It's my humanity that sells your product. If robots are needed, then I'll just beat you to it and hire a few of my own.
I'd like to go on vacation this year, sometime after Christmas maybe. Shane and me, somewhere. To see the world, or at least a part of Jersey. Maybe Canada? (Hi MaxxCoyote! ;x) or Virginia Beach? Depending on what happens in that state...
Are Metroids cool or what? Damn cute they are.
Sometimes in life you bitterly predict something, then wish it wasn't so, but it is. And you can only sit and watch stuff fall apart like scales off a snake or dead leaves off a tree. As long as I don't make mistakes, I'll be ok. I know the rules. I know to break them or not. All depends on where someone wants to live in their future, and with who they want to spend it. Fuck up too much or choose an irresponsible party to attach yourself to and you'll find things breaking apart within a few months. Find someone stable, either way, and the months will slip by like silk. You'll miss them but see how happy everything is. So few complications. No emotional snags. It helps to know your place. To have somewhere comfortable to be. I know lots of people set up to be, and even though they complain, loving of the wandering and pain they live in. I wanted some stuff in my life recently. I wanted to 'save' someone. Help him out, be his boyfriend, and make everything perfect for him. But as always, when that's done it's rejected. You cannot fix someone. You cannot control them. And now it's happening to him. I care. But life sometimes breaks you like a bottle. And you have to go through it and feel like your guts were torn out. I understand this. I've chosen to remove myself from the drama. I have a safe and happy home with Shane. I wait for him to come home and seeing him makes me happy. I'm growing a life with him. It's like a flower blooming slowly. If I keep feeding it sometimes it's scary where it will lead. I've always been terrified of getting what I want. Imagine a life with no hassle. A home, and food, and good company. Someone to love you day in and out, and few days alone. A companion who's there, who has your back. It used to worry me as if it would nail me down. But you don't lose anything important by letting that be your life. You just gain all that the future can hold. I've seen so many guys hook up these past few months.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
arctic_puma and qual yips_for_fun and Genki others my night-addled brain does't remember. It's cute to see all the little animals huddle up for the winter.
The future's not ours to see. What will be, will be.
I need to tape record some of my thoughts so I can put them down here before I forget what I wanted to say. So much of my mind gets lost to the aether.
Christmas is hurtling toward us and today somehow was not an exhausting madhouse at work even though we pulled in a lot of money. It seems we are, as a visiting manager said, "set up for failure". Minimal, and I do mean MINIMAL, hours for what our store needs for this time of year. Two people on at the busiest times usually, due to DM imposed hours restrictions. I do not understand how businesses run I guess. If I ever go through with my plans to start my own business like I want to, I'll see if I have to do the stupid shit that other companies do just to make stuff work. I have this feeling that somehow they become mind controlled into thinking that 'this is what you have to do' instead of doing what needs done. Hire some robots if you want robots. Right? It's my humanity that sells your product. If robots are needed, then I'll just beat you to it and hire a few of my own.
I'd like to go on vacation this year, sometime after Christmas maybe. Shane and me, somewhere. To see the world, or at least a part of Jersey. Maybe Canada? (Hi MaxxCoyote! ;x) or Virginia Beach? Depending on what happens in that state...
Are Metroids cool or what? Damn cute they are.
Sometimes in life you bitterly predict something, then wish it wasn't so, but it is. And you can only sit and watch stuff fall apart like scales off a snake or dead leaves off a tree. As long as I don't make mistakes, I'll be ok. I know the rules. I know to break them or not. All depends on where someone wants to live in their future, and with who they want to spend it. Fuck up too much or choose an irresponsible party to attach yourself to and you'll find things breaking apart within a few months. Find someone stable, either way, and the months will slip by like silk. You'll miss them but see how happy everything is. So few complications. No emotional snags. It helps to know your place. To have somewhere comfortable to be. I know lots of people set up to be, and even though they complain, loving of the wandering and pain they live in. I wanted some stuff in my life recently. I wanted to 'save' someone. Help him out, be his boyfriend, and make everything perfect for him. But as always, when that's done it's rejected. You cannot fix someone. You cannot control them. And now it's happening to him. I care. But life sometimes breaks you like a bottle. And you have to go through it and feel like your guts were torn out. I understand this. I've chosen to remove myself from the drama. I have a safe and happy home with Shane. I wait for him to come home and seeing him makes me happy. I'm growing a life with him. It's like a flower blooming slowly. If I keep feeding it sometimes it's scary where it will lead. I've always been terrified of getting what I want. Imagine a life with no hassle. A home, and food, and good company. Someone to love you day in and out, and few days alone. A companion who's there, who has your back. It used to worry me as if it would nail me down. But you don't lose anything important by letting that be your life. You just gain all that the future can hold. I've seen so many guys hook up these past few months.
arctic_puma and qual yips_for_fun and Genki others my night-addled brain does't remember. It's cute to see all the little animals huddle up for the winter.The future's not ours to see. What will be, will be.
