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cyriljackalI'm lonely, very lonely. I live with someone but I spend so much time alone still. I went home tonight for a while and got annoyed with just being near my parents too. My stomach feels tight when I think about some stuff in my life, and my life in general. I have no point. A couple months ago, I felt totally on top of the world. Like I had stuff going for me. Right now I question what I'm all about and what I'm doing.
I tried to be around people tonight, but no one was available. It's made me feel pretty bad. I try, but the world always seems too busy for me. I try to make time for special things, but for some reason it often ends up just upsetting me. Any vacation or trip away from home it has some kind of heartache. I don't know if I want to go anywhere anymore, especially with people. The only good time I had away was when I was with Aloron, and I can never have that again. It was like living in a dream.
I'm up really late here too, thinkin about stuff, and people.
Why do I even go to work anymore? Because I have to.
Stuff I've learned I have to do. No exceptions.
I'm trapped. Even 10 minutes is so far away for me. Too far to go without emotional exhaustion. I tried to go to the Jersey meet and got lost. I think of Yips going off to VA and I just rot here. Even Shane can somehow get out to his social things and enjoy them. I should just live in a jail with no chance of the teasing ideas of creativity taunting me but never being mine.
TV sucks. I am hungry again.
I tried to be around people tonight, but no one was available. It's made me feel pretty bad. I try, but the world always seems too busy for me. I try to make time for special things, but for some reason it often ends up just upsetting me. Any vacation or trip away from home it has some kind of heartache. I don't know if I want to go anywhere anymore, especially with people. The only good time I had away was when I was with Aloron, and I can never have that again. It was like living in a dream.
I'm up really late here too, thinkin about stuff, and people.
Why do I even go to work anymore? Because I have to.
Stuff I've learned I have to do. No exceptions.
I'm trapped. Even 10 minutes is so far away for me. Too far to go without emotional exhaustion. I tried to go to the Jersey meet and got lost. I think of Yips going off to VA and I just rot here. Even Shane can somehow get out to his social things and enjoy them. I should just live in a jail with no chance of the teasing ideas of creativity taunting me but never being mine.
TV sucks. I am hungry again.
