Things I remember...

[cyriljackal]

<td bgcolor="#000000">Who will play you:</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Kevin Smith </td><td bgcolor="#000000">Who will play your love interest:</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Lisa Kudrow </td><td bgcolor="#000000">Weeks you will stay in the box office:</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">16</td><td bgcolor="#000000">Song that will play during your love scene:</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Whitesnake - Is This Love </td><td bgcolor="#000000">Song that will play during your death:</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Frente - Air </td><td bgcolor="#000000">Your name:</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td>

Your Life: The Movie by mintyduck
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

I don't think Kevin Smith looks a thing like me...

I have a very hard time remembering my past and what I've done in my life, but within the past few months I've been having these... remembrances of stuff. Things that made me happy, and made me think and feel all sorts of things.

I remember seeing Kristy and Jessie standing in the hallway of AnthroCon before I knew them personally. Before that they were simply customers who came in to my store who... made some bell inside me ring. A ring of familiarity... In the family sense especially. All I could think was "Holy shit you're furs too?"

I remember having Tigress introduce me to Shane, and thinking "He's just a regular gay dude, Not a fur, How could we ever get along?"

I remember how dirty I felt when Yips first started hitting on me so long long ago. And then how i succumbed to my desires.

I remember hearing on the phone someone I loved overdosed from their father. The utter shock of knowing something may have changed forever and no power can change it back.

I remember so many times when I thought I'd never make it... that I'd always live in my parents house and that whatever situation I was in that made me sad would last forever... But they didn't. Every one of them dies away somehow, someway, somewhen...

I sort of remember getting in my car for the first time and thinking "How can I accept the freedom this will give me? I'm afraid I should just forget it." And now I can't imagine being shackled like some 12 year old to their parents whims.

I remember laying on a couch on my side crying, sobbing, shaking, feeling like my life was tearing out of me from the sadness of rejection. I remember thinking how there's no way I'd survive this, that I'd go crazy and just die frome it. But I didn't. I just ended up a bit scarred.

I wish I had a friend to sit with and eat some food with tonight.

Last night Shane and I ended up going to Applebee's in Lansdale and we took a seat. I kept hearing this... FAMILIAR voice behind me.. but didn't want to turn around and look at some poor woman who'd think I was nuts for staring at her in a resteraunt... It just got to me so I turned and stared right at her. It was Kristy, whom I have dinner with monday nights. Maybe for others seeing someone you know out in public isn't something unusual, but I have so few people who live near me that I'd see outside of arranged meetings.
But we sat down with them, confusing the server a bit and had dinner together. I'm always glad that someone would invite me to share whatever with them.

And a couple nights ago Shane and I caroused Philly, South St. in particular, me blowing more money in the action figure store called Quakerhead Collectibles. I can barely leave there without something. This time it was Pinhead, a very nice figure recently released. I eat this stuff up.

Work's been a bitch between moving the entire store -to the left- as per company plan-o-grams and insistent whiny baby customers. I smile though, cuz I'm the best. But don't think I won't write about you Mr. Customer. Outside of work I can hate you. Or pity, depending on what you deserve. Wah-ha.

Comments

very nice :)

[firedhusky.livejournal.com]

Is nice to remember good things and learn from our bad past experiences...
look at the past and apreciate all that we leanred and have in our present.

*hugs*

Fire D Husky

[nexrad.livejournal.com]

Hey... Thanks for sharing that. Life has it's wild ups and downs right now for me: it helps me to know that someone else has been through it before and has made it in life. Thank you.

[cyriljackal.livejournal.com]

For me it's going up and down very rapidly. Everything from the past is colliding with the future and obscuring the present. Or maybe it's the future I cannot see anymore.

[nexrad.livejournal.com]

Yep, excellent way of describing things. My semi-personal philosophy (some of it taken from psychology texts) is that it is imperative to attain a state of rest with whatever continues to irk from the past. I honestly doubt anyone is capable of achieving such a feat in full, but being able to simply sigh about some past pain is far better than it causing fog... All the best in conquering the looming spectres from life gone-by.