Faith

It feels like I'm gonna lose it all.
I can't feel right about the right things, and I'm so distracted.
I need to let Yips be. Leave him alone until he tells me to come be his friend.
I make Shane sad. Sometimes. Mostly he says I make him happy. Why I don't know. I really don't deserve to live rent free with him, sharing his life, while I just putz around in my own mind. I never deserved to be here with him. I don't even deserve my job or what I get paid for it. Its all circumstance that I get what I get. I wish I had something to believe in. Some overriding force in the world that explained why I wreck stuff.

Maybe it's Seth.

He is my birth sign. May 28th is the last day of the sign of Seth. God of disquiet, evil, poison, male homosexuality, and lonely wandering. Those born under Seth are doomed to wander feeling incomplete. That I do. Always.
They're meant to wander ceaselessly like when Seth himself was banished from the home of the gods. He killed his brother in spite. Out of jealousy. But though his acts, eternal life was born.
Sometimes even bad puts good into motion.
I hope I do some good some way.
In time.

I don't believe in myth, but it has meaning. I wish I could believe in what I think is fake. The religious are so lucky they can have things to follow beyond reason.

I have always believed I live in the wrong time. I should have been a hippie. At one time I mused with my friend Ron whose heyday was that time. Mused that I should have been born long before I was and known him then. He had lots of good times. I seem to bring consternation. Maybe I need drugs and free love, and to let go of my 'needs'.
As George Carlin said, "Loose some of your FUCKING needs!" (To the statement, "My needs aren't being met.")

I'm here if anyone needs me. I know some people need me. Well some one in particular. Hi, Shane.

I'm pretty powerless. I just wait around. I hope I get forgiven. I just don't think I can have a normal life.