cyriljackal | (no subject)

So much to think about.
Hm.
Zelda day came and went, and didn't seem very big. I played a bit of it, and liked it. I never play too much of a game. Hardly ever to completion.
Dammit, I forgot what I was going to say.
I got myself a doggie harness. Been having some thoughts on the meaning of that myself.

Now I remember, me and my memory, it sucks.
Yesterday after work I was out getting some food at a Subway and my phone rang. A voice I hadn't heard for a very long time talked to me. Christine Berendt. I guess you could say shes my Ex mother in law of sorts.
She called me to let me know her husband died. Throat cancer. I lived with them and Ryan in Indiana for a long time.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but I'm just thinking. I was such a part of Chris' life that she considers me her son to this day. It TOUCHES me.
You can be such a part of someones life and still be years and miles away.
She even asked me to visit still, even though she's had no contact with her own son by his demand for years now. She still sends me christmas cards.
I guess she loved me like a son.
It makes me sad to know she's hurt and alone. I never went to see her again after Ryan and I left. Even if you hurt someone, try to love them. I can't beleive a child will not show a mother sympathy over death. It makes me wonder where empathy goes. No heart, or guilt even after the fact. That poor woman is alone. She was no saint, she was just a woman from Indiana. I even dared to call her Mom at one time.
I helped care for this sick man too. I was horrified to see someone dying in front of me of cancer. I helped him up one night after he fell down, and couldn't get up again by himself so late at night.
Just having her call back is making me think of years past. Everything.
I miss her but don't know how to be with her. She's even congradulating me on my life and moving out with my new boyfriend. Invited us to visit even. It's hard to focus on life because it seems so big, but it's the people in it that make it happen.
I miss Chris, I'll miss Lucky too.
I love you Mom.