(no subject)

[cyriljackal]

I am having a deep sadness and a longing inside me. A sense of loss. Sadness. Distraction. I feel like peices of me are missing. Like that catch in your throat about to cry. It's like knowing god doesn't care. Maybe I ascribe too much to my own feelings.
Sometimes things so special are so far.
I don't know if I'll ever be happy.
At times I have been.
It peirces dark, shadow, earth and flesh.
It's in me.
No you can't help.
Only seeking completion of my feelings and myself can bring me any respite.
Without having these feelings within me, I am empty.
I don't know how my life can continue as it is. Very little can fix it.
It's like a smothering blanket of feeling.
My heart's turning to stone. or pudding.
Take your pick.

The words "I love you," are the key to it all.
I can just go on forever, so I won't.